Stages of the Caregiver
As a caregiver, you may also face some unique stages of emotion, including:
Fear – What will I say? How will I know what to do?
Honeymoon – Positive feelings about being helpful and getting closer to your ill loved one.
Rollercoaster: – You join the patient on the rollercoaster of good and bad days.
Letting Go – When the time comes to let go, you will be the one who needs support.. Be open to letting someone care for you the way you have provided care for your loved one.
Relief & Guilt – With the passing of your loved one, it is common and normal to feel relief and sadness – and guilt for the sense of relief.
Sadness & Grief – The grief experience can impact people at many levels - physically, psychologically, spiritually, socially and emotionally. Sadness and sorrow are normal reactions to a serious illness and the losses that accompany it. It's important to recognize that grief, as painful as it is, is a necessary part of the healing process.
Patients and those who are emotionally linked to them commonly experience anticipatory grief. It involves acknowledging and grieving current and future losses and also reminds us of previous losses.
Normal feelings for caregivers often include:
- Guilt about the ability to meet the needs of the patient
- Shame about feelings of resentment, frustration or fear
- Fear of not being able to "do enough"
- Anger about the role of caregiver
- Fear about the future
It may help to know that it is not uncommon for patients to feel:
- Frustration and irritation toward caregivers who may not always be able to meet their needs
- Guilt about not being able to care for themselves
- Anger about being sick and having to depend on others
- Resentment, impatience, fear and anxiety about their illness
- Worry about the pain their loved ones are experiencing
- Concern about the well-being of those who will survive them
Some symptoms are normal to grief and are commonly experienced. Some of the same symptoms - but to a greater extent - are also present in depression. Grief and depression are not the same. It's important to know the symptoms of depression, which is a treatable medical condition. If you think you or a family member is showing signs of depression, please talk to your nurse of social worker. No one should have to suffer unnecessarily from the pain, regardless of its source.